EXPERT:

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Cause:

You want to know how your child is doing at home.

Way to go:

It's important to create a safe and supportive environment for the child to discuss their school-issues. Listen actively, be patient, and adapt the conversation based on the child's age, understanding, and emotional state. Formulate open questions so the child answers more in dept.

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"Als je in overprikkelstaat bent dan is het grootste probleem dat je bevangen bent door emoties en niet in staat tot praten. Praten kan helpen om weer tot jezelf te komen."

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Questions to ask:

Hoe vind je het thuis?
Wat vind je het leukste thuis?
Wat vind je het minst leuk thuis?

Met wie ga je het liefste een dagje weg en waarom?
Met wie ga je liever niet een dagje weg en waarom niet?

Wat zou je anders willen thuis? En waarom?
Wat doe je het liefste als je thuis bent? En waarom?

Noem eens 2 dingen waardoor je gaat lachen.
Noem eens 2 dingen die je ooit nog wil gaan doen.

Vertel eens, waar kijk je naar uit?
Wat zou je dit weekend het allerliefste willen doen?
Vertel eens wat meer over jezelf?

Als je thuis iets wil vertellen over school, aan wie vertel je dat dan?

EXPERT:

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Cause:

Child: "I'm really worried about the world. There are so many problems, and it feels overwhelming."

Characteristics are dejection, moody, anxious.

Way to go:

Remedial Educator: "I understand, and it's okay to have these concerns. Let's talk about it. Can you tell me more about what's been bothering you?"

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"Genoeg persoonlijke aandacht voor een kind: Tijd, gelegenheid, kennis. Kinderen worden te veel als groep benaderd. Alle kinderen hebben soms persoonlijke aandacht nodig."

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Questions to ask:

"What specifically is worrying you about the world? Is it something you've heard or seen on the news or from others?"

"How do these worries make you feel? Are you scared, sad, or anxious when you think about them?"

"Do you think there's anything you can do to help make the world a better place or address some of these concerns?"

"Have you talked to anyone else about these worries, like your parents, friends, or teachers?"

"Is there something positive or hopeful you've noticed in the world that might help balance out some of your worries?"

To help the child become less worried, you can offer the following guidance:

Stay Informed and Be Critical: Encourage the child to learn more about the world's issues by reading age-appropriate books, watching educational shows, or discussing them in school. Explain that being well-informed is the first step to making positive changes.

Take Action: Help the child identify simple, age-appropriate actions they can take to make a difference, like participating in community clean-up events, donating to a charity, or volunteering their time.

Focus on the Positive: Teach the child to look for positive stories and examples of people making a difference in the world. It's essential to remember that there are many good people working to solve problems.

Share Feelings: Let the child know that it's okay to talk about their worries with someone they trust, like a parent, teacher, or friend. Sharing their concerns can provide emotional relief and support.

Self-Care: Emphasize the importance of self-care, including relaxation techniques like deep breathing, mindfulness, or engaging in activities they enjoy. Explain that it's essential to take care of themselves to stay strong and positive.

Limit Exposure to Negative Media: Encourage the child to limit exposure to distressing news or images if it's causing them significant distress. Ensure that their media consumption is age-appropriate and monitored by an adult.

Celebrate Small Wins: When the child takes positive actions, celebrate their efforts and achievements. This will boost their confidence and motivate them to continue making a difference.

Remember that it's crucial to provide a supportive and understanding environment for the child and to let them know that their feelings are valid. This will help them cope with their worries about the world more effectively.

EXPERT:

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Cause:

You suspect your child has a secret that wich is a heavy burden to bear.

Characteristics are dejection, moody, anxious.

Way to go:

It's important to create a safe and supportive environment for the child to discuss their secret.

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"Kinderen missen soms de tijd om hun hele verhaal kwijt te kunnen. Ze hebben de behoefte aan ruimte (tijd) om dat hele verhaal te vertellen. Zonder onderbreking."

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Questions to ask:

Start with a general question to gauge the child's willingness to talk. This opens the door for them to express their feelings without immediate pressure:

"Can you tell me if something is bothering you?"

This question helps the child understand that you are open to discussing sensitive topics and acknowledges their potential fear or apprehension:

"Is there something you're afraid to talk about?"

Offer the child the choice to confide in you. Respect their decision if they choose not to share at this moment, but make sure they know you're there to listen when they are ready:

"Would you like to share your secret with me?"

Sometimes, children may find it easier to talk to another trusted adult, like a parent or school counselor. Encourage them to seek help from a responsible and caring person if they are not comfortable sharing with you:

"Is there someone else you trust that you could talk to about this secret?"

It's essential to teach the child about dealing with secrets. Explain the importance of distinguishing between secrets that may be harmful or dangerous and those that are safe to keep. Encourage them to share any secrets that could lead to harm with a trusted adult:

"Do you know how to keep yourself safe and handle this secret appropriately?"

Guidance on dealing with a secret:

Differentiate between safe and unsafe secrets: Help the child understand the difference between secrets that protect someone, like a surprise party, and secrets that could lead to harm, such as bullying or dangerous activities. Encourage them to share unsafe secrets with an adult they trust.
Select a trusted adult: If the child chooses not to share their secret with you, help them identify another trusted adult they can confide in, such as a parent, teacher, or school counselor.

Emphasize the importance of seeking help: Teach the child that it's okay to ask for help when a secret is causing them distress, fear, or harm. Reiterate that there are people who care about their well-being and are ready to support them.

Reassure and support: Let the child know that you care about their well-being and are there to support them no matter what they decide to share. Ensure they feel safe and loved.

Follow up: After the child has shared the secret or decided not to, continue to check in with them to ensure they are coping well and feeling safe. Reiterate your support and willingness to help.

Remember, as a remedial educator, your primary role is to create a safe space for the child to express themselves and to guide them in making the right choices when it comes to secrets that might affect their well-being.

EXPERT:

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Cause:

You suspect your child has sad feelings.

Characteristics are dejection, moody.

Way to go:

You can start a conversation with the child. In this conversation, the remedial educator provides a safe space for the child to express their feelings, encourages them to share and describe their emotions, offers support, suggests coping strategies, and emphasizes the importance of seeking help when needed. The goal is to help the child understand and manage their sadness in a healthy way.

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"Ze was zo gewend om alledaagse dingen met haar vriend te delen, en dat kon gewoon even niet. Dus het 'duiden' van haar gevoel kwam pas naar voren toen ze, in dit geval met haar eigen partner, daar woorden aan kon geven."

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Conversation:

Educator: (Sitting down with the child and speaking gently) Hi there, it seems like something might be bothering you today. Would you like to talk about it?

Child: (Nods or starts to open up)

Educator: (Using open-ended questions) I'm here to listen and help. Can you tell me why you're feeling sad? Is there something specific that's on your mind?

Child: (Shares the reason for their sadness)

Educator: (Showing empathy) I'm really sorry to hear that you're feeling this way. It's okay to feel sad sometimes. Can you describe what the sadness feels like? Is it a heavy feeling in your chest, or something else?

Child: (Describes their feelings)

Educator: (Offering support) You're not alone in feeling this way. It's a feeling that everyone experiences from time to time. What are some things that usually make you feel better when you're sad?

Child: (Shares their coping mechanisms)

Educator: (Providing guidance) Those are great strategies! Sometimes, talking to a trusted adult, like a parent or teacher, can also help. Is there someone you'd like to talk to about this? Remember, it's okay to seek help when you're feeling sad.

Child: (Shares their thoughts on talking to someone)

Educator: (Encouraging self-compassion) It's important to remember that it's okay to feel sad, but it's also important to take care of yourself. What's something you can do right now to help yourself feel a little better? It could be drawing, reading a book, or even taking a deep breath.

Child: (Chooses a self-soothing activity)

Educator: (Reinforcing positive coping) That's a wonderful choice! And always remember, you can come and talk to me or someone you trust whenever you need to. It's okay to feel sad, but you're not alone in dealing with it.

EXPERT:

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Cause:

You suspect your child has a conflict with someone else.

Characteristics are dejection, moody, angry.

Way to go:

Approach a child who is in conflict with someone else with empathy and a focus on helping them understand and resolve the conflict. Here's a simple framework for the conversation:

Listen carefully to the child's responses, without interrupting. Make sure they feel heard and understood. Begin by showing empathy and understanding towards the child's feelings. Say something like,

"I can see that you're upset or angry. Can you tell me what happened?"

Encourage Communication: Encourage the child to talk to the other person involved in the conflict. Suggest a calm and respectful conversation to express their feelings and work towards a resolution.

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"Hij heeft op het moment van ontploffen niet de woorden om te zeggen wat er is. Dan moet je hem gewoon even tot rust laten komen."

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Questions to ask:

Ask Open-Ended Questions:
a. "Can you describe what happened when the conflict started?"
b. "How did that make you feel?"
c. "Do you know why the other person might be upset too?"
d. "What do you think you could have done differently?"
e. "Have you talked to the other person about this?"

Teach Problem-Solving Skills:
a. "Conflicts are a normal part of life. Sometimes, it helps to talk it out with the other person. Would you like some tips on how to do that?"
b. "One way to resolve a conflict is to use 'I' statements. For example, 'I felt hurt when you did this.' Would you like to practice using 'I' statements?"
c. "Another strategy is to find a compromise. Can you think of a way you both can be happy with the solution?"
d. "Remember, it's okay to take a break and cool down if things get too heated. Would you like to know how to do that effectively?"

Summarize and Encourage Action:
"So, it sounds like you're going to try talking to [the other person] about how you both can work things out. That's a great step. Remember, conflicts can be resolved when we communicate and listen to each other."

Always adapt your approach to the child's age, emotional state, and level of understanding. The goal is to empower them with the skills to handle conflicts in a constructive way and promote healthy relationships.

EXPERT:

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Cause:

Your child has to deal with the divorce of the parents.

Characteristics are dejection, moody, anxious.

Way to go:

When speaking to a child whose parents are getting divorced, it's essential to approach the conversation with empathy, understanding, and sensitivity. Start by creating a safe and comfortable environment. Let the child know that you are there to listen and support them. Here is a suggested conversation along with five questions to ask the child and some guidance on how to deal with their parents' divorce:

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"Op het moment van overprikkeling zelf, lukt het niet meer om te praten. Als je veel zelfinzicht hebt, kun je bijvoorbeeld een knuffel pakken voordat het teveel wordt. Dat kun je oefenen met je kind."

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Questions to ask:

"I heard that your parents are getting a divorce. How are you feeling about this? Is there anything you'd like to share or talk about?"

"Do you have any questions about what divorce means or how it might affect you? I'm here to help you understand."

"Is there anything specific that's been bothering you or making you sad or worried about your parents' divorce?"

 "What are some things that make you feel better when you're upset or anxious? Is there an activity or someone you like to talk to?"

"Is there anything you'd like me to tell your parents about how you're feeling or what you need during this time?"

Guidance on how to deal with parents' divorce:

Express Your Feelings: It's okay to feel a range of emotions like sadness, anger, confusion, or even relief. Talk to a trusted adult or counselor about your feelings. It can help you process them.

Open Communication: If you have questions or concerns about the divorce, don't hesitate to ask your parents. They might not have all the answers, but they can provide some clarity.

Maintain Routines: Try to keep your daily routines as normal as possible. Consistency can provide a sense of stability during a time of change.

Lean on Supportive People: Reach out to friends, family members, or a counselor who can provide emotional support and guidance. You don't have to go through this alone.

Self-Care: Take care of yourself by eating healthily, getting enough sleep, and engaging in activities you enjoy. It's essential to prioritize self-care during this challenging time.

Respect Your Own Boundaries: If you need space or time to process your emotions, communicate this to your parents. They should understand and respect your needs.

Remember It's Not Your Fault: Understand that your parents' divorce is not your fault. Sometimes adults make decisions that don't involve children. Your parents' love for you is separate from their relationship with each other.

Seek Professional Help: If you find it difficult to cope with the divorce, consider speaking to a therapist or counselor who specializes in helping children through family changes.

Remember, every child's experience is unique, and the key is to provide support, understanding, and a safe space for them to express their feelings. It's crucial to reinforce that the child is not alone and that their well-being is a top priority for their parents and caregivers.

EXPERT:

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Cause:

You suspect that your child is being bullied or your child indicates this himself.

Characteristics are dejection, moody, anxious.

Way to go:

It's essential to approach a child who's being bullied with care and empathy. Here's how I might conduct a conversation with a child facing bullying and provide them with guidance on how to defend against it:

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"Hij wordt kennelijk al het hele schooljaar gepest, maar daar komen we nu pas achter."

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Conversation:

"I heard that you've been having some tough times at school. I'm here to listen and help you. It's important to talk about what's going on so we can find ways to make things better. Can you share with me what's been happening?"

"Tell me more about what's been happening: Let the child share their experience in their own words. This helps you understand the situation better."

"Who is involved: Ask them to identify the individuals involved in the bullying – the bullies, any bystanders, and any adults they've talked to."

"When and where does this usually happen: Find out the specific times and locations where the bullying is taking place to get a clear picture of the problem."

"How does it make you feel: Ask the child about their emotions and reactions to the bullying. Encourage them to express their feelings."

"Have you told anyone about this: Inquire if the child has talked to a teacher, school counselor, or a trusted adult about the bullying."

Defending against bullying:

It's essential to empower the child with strategies to defend against bullying:

Assertive Communication: Encourage the child to assertively express their feelings to the bully, saying things like, "I don't like it when you do that. Please stop."

Seek Help: Advise the child to reach out to a trusted adult, like a teacher, school counselor, or parent, to report the bullying incidents. They should not be afraid to ask for help.

Buddy System: Suggest that they walk with friends or classmates, as bullies often target individuals who are alone.

Stay Confident: Teach the child to maintain self-confidence and self-esteem. Encourage them to focus on their strengths and not internalize negative comments.

Avoid Retaliation: Stress the importance of not retaliating with violence or hurtful words. Let them know that reporting the bullying is a much better way to handle the situation.

Remember, it's crucial to offer ongoing support and let the child know that you are there for them. Additionally, involve school authorities to address the issue and provide a safe learning environment for the child.

EXPERT:

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Cause:

You child is dealing with fears.

Characteristics are dejection, moody, anxious.

Way to go:

Primary focus is to create a supportive and reassuring environment for the anxious child. Approach the conversation with empathy and patience.

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"Hij wil veel vertellen. als daar geen tijd voor is, dan voelt hij zich niet gehoord of afgewezen. Dan pakt hij tijd terwijl het in die situatie niet passend is."

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Questions to ask:

Establish Trust and Rapport:

"Hi there, I can see that you're feeling a bit anxious. It's okay; we all feel that way sometimes. I'm here to help. Can you tell me what's been making you feel this way?"

Identify Specific Fears:

"I understand you're feeling anxious, but can you help me understand what exactly you're afraid of? Sometimes, it's easier to manage when we know the specific things that are worrying us."

Discuss Coping Mechanisms:

"When you're feeling anxious, do you have any special things you like to do that make you feel better? For example, some children like taking deep breaths or drawing. What helps you calm down when you're scared?"

Address Rational Thinking:

"Our minds can sometimes play tricks on us when we're anxious. Can you think of a time when you were worried, but everything turned out okay? Remember, most worries are just our imagination."

Create an Action Plan:

"Let's come up with a plan together to deal with your fears. When you start feeling anxious, remember to take some deep breaths, talk to someone you trust, or use your special calming technique. It might also help to keep a journal where you can write down your feelings."

Guidance on dealing with fears:

Breathing Exercises: Teach the child simple deep-breathing exercises. For example, inhale slowly for a count of four, hold for four, and exhale for four. This can help calm the nervous system.

Positive Self-talk: Encourage the child to replace negative thoughts with positive ones. For instance, if they're worried about a test, they can say, "I've studied, and I'll do my best."

Visualization: Help the child imagine a happy place or scenario when they're anxious. This can provide a mental escape from their worries.

Seeking Support: Let them know it's okay to talk to a trusted adult, like a parent or teacher, when they're anxious. Sometimes, sharing their feelings can be a huge relief.

Progress Tracking: Keep a record of their anxious moments and how they coped. Over time, they can see their progress and build confidence.

Always reinforce the idea that anxiety is a normal human emotion, and it's okay to feel that way. Your role as a remedial educator is to provide guidance, support, and strategies to help the child manage and overcome their anxiety.

EXPERT:

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Cause:

You child has lost a loved one.

Characteristics are dejection, moody, anxious.

Way to go:

Approach passing away of loved ones with sensitivity and care, as it involves discussing difficult topics with a child who has experienced the loss of a loved one. It's essential to listen actively, be patient, and adapt the conversation based on the child's age, understanding, and emotional state. In difficult situations like these, providing a safe and supportive space for the child to express themselves is crucial for their emotional well-being.

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"Door het overlijden van zijn vader, is hij zijn doel kwijt en trekt hij zich alleen nog maar terug"

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Questions to ask:

Start with Empathy: Begin the conversation by expressing your condolences for their loss and acknowledging their feelings. You might say something like:

"I'm really sorry to hear about your loss, and I understand that it must be very hard for you. It's okay to feel sad or confused."

Ask Open-Ended Questions: Encourage the child to share their feelings and thoughts. Open-ended questions are a good way to do this. For example:

"Can you tell me a little bit about the person you lost? What do you miss most about them?"
"How have you been feeling since this happened? Are there times when you feel better or worse?"

Offer Reassurance and Encouragement: Ensure the child that it's okay to have mixed feelings about their parents' divorce. Let them know that they are not responsible for the divorce, and it's not their fault. Encourage them to express their feelings and ask for help if needed. You might say:

"It's important to remember that the divorce is a grown-up decision, and it's not your fault. Your feelings are valid, and it's okay to talk about them."

Provide Support and Suggest Coping Strategies: Offer some suggestions on how to cope with their feelings, both about the loss and the divorce. For example:

"It can help to talk to someone you trust, like a family member or a counselor, about what you're going through."
"Try to focus on things that make you feel better, like spending time with friends, engaging in hobbies, or even writing in a journal to express your thoughts and emotions."

EXPERT:

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Cause:

You suspect your child is in love.

Characteristics are dejection, dreamy.

Way to go:

Approach the conversation with sensitivity and empathy, understanding that the child is experiencing new and complex emotions. You can start a conversation like this:

"I noticed that you've been feeling a lot of emotions lately. It's completely normal to experience new feelings, especially love. I'm here to listen and help you understand what you're going through. Can you tell me a bit about what you're feeling?"

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"Maakte een verstrooide indruk op school, zat thuis constant op de kamer en de eetlust werd minder... gewoon verliefd!"

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Questions to ask:

"What do you like about the person you have feelings for? What draws you to them?"
"Have you talked to this person about your feelings? How did that go, if you did?"
"Do you think this person feels the same way about you? How do you know?"
"Are there any specific situations or moments that made you realize you were in love?"
"How have these feelings been affecting your daily life and mood?"

After asking these questions, I would offer some guidance on how to deal with these feelings of love:

Acknowledge your feelings: It's important to understand that having feelings of love is normal, especially as you grow older. Recognizing and accepting your emotions is the first step in managing them.

Communication is key: If you feel comfortable and believe it's the right time, consider talking to the person you have feelings for. Open and honest communication can help both of you understand each other's emotions.

Take your time: Love can be a beautiful but complex emotion. It's okay to take your time to understand your feelings and not rush into anything. Sometimes, it's just a crush, and that's perfectly normal too.

Share with a trusted adult: If you're feeling overwhelmed, talking to a trusted adult, like a parent, guardian, or a counselor, can be very helpful. They can provide guidance and support as you navigate these emotions.

Focus on self-care: Remember to take care of yourself physically and emotionally. Engage in activities you enjoy, spend time with friends, and concentrate on your schoolwork. These things can help you maintain a balanced life while experiencing these new emotions.

Always reassure the child that it's okay to feel the way they do, and that you're there to support and guide them through this phase of their life.